Friday, March 28, 2014

Word of the Day: Apprehension

Jenn's Word of the Day: Apprehensiona term applied to a model of consciousness in which nothing is affirmed or denied of the object in question, but the mind is merely aware of

This sums up my feelings today. While I am excited about making plans and defining our path, so many fish swim in my head that generate my feelings of apprehension. My apprehension is neither true, false, right or wrong - just something I am merely aware of.  Some things I am merely aware of...

This week our doggie, Wyatt, had surgery to fix his completely torn cruciate ligament (like a human ACL). I've already become impatient with his healing process and I know this isn't the right attitude. Impatience has no room in this space. He is bored, his cone of shame makes him run into walls and beds and he can't do much of anything at the moment. After we adopted Wyatt, five years ago, we shed 25 pounds from his lethargic body and he was running up to 12 miles one year later. He is a happy dog, but seeing him in this static environment just saddens me. I am apprehensive of his complete recovery, but I'm committed to getting him back on the running and hiking trails and letting him find his way onto a sailboat. Those sailing with dogs, what is your number #1 piece of advice to share?

Work is taking a toll on my balance of life. I don't want my job to control me, but it's challenging to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I've had my work challenges as I'm an event planner, so I know the hard work pays off. Trying to stay one step ahead and continue to keep the energy up has been hard. I've been distracted by our future plans, my dog's surgery and the little things that feel "so unmanageable". 

I like to make lists and find satisfaction when I get to cross things off my list! Makes me feel accomplished and "less apprehensive". Sometimes I just want it all to go away. I'm sure I'm not the only one who wishes it "all to go away and sail away". However, this will actually become my reality!

My husband makes me feel less apprehensive, but he is currently in B.C. with his father on a week long back country ski trip. I love that he can do these activities with his dad. Him not being here while I tend to Wyatt among other things, adds to my list, and just builds anxiety and apprehension into my mind. This is a great emotion to be aware of and allows me to show vulnerability, weakness and promise in order to build strength. In the meantime, on to doggie PT!

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